Communication Reflections

As I reflect on the assignment from this week, the one thing that initially surprised me was that I fall into the action-oriented category vs. the people-oriented category.  But as I thought about it more, I realized that I asked people who probably evaluated me on the relationship we established at work vs. personally.  At work, I am action-oriented because there is little time for socializing.

One insight about communication that I gained is that "language is used as an instrument of control, to exert influence over others and our environment" (O'Hair, Wiemann, Mullin, Teven, 2015, p. 69).  Whether the language is welcomed or aggressive, the communication style has a great influence over those who are on the receiving end of the communication.  The other insight that I gained is that language can be biased, even if the intentions are good.  Calling people anything other than their name (especially depending on the relationship) can be offensive or welcomed.

O'Hair, D., Wiemann, M., Mullin, D. I., & Teven, J. (2015). Real communication (3rd. ed). New York: Bedford/St. Martin's

Evolution of Communication

Do you find yourself communicating differently with people from different groups and cultures?  If yes, in what way do you communicate differently?

I used to communicate differently with people from different groups and cultures when I was younger and just starting out with my career.  I felt that I could be “myself” when I was around other people who looked and already talked like me.  However, when I was around managers or my colleagues who did not share my same background, I would change the way I talked (less slang).  The funny thing is I felt I could never please anyone!  I feared that if I were myself (basically, I used a little bit of slang, I talk with a southern accent and I can slouch sometimes), I would not be seen as professional.  When my peers would see me use proper grammar and try to not talk with such a southern drawl, they would make fun (not in an intentionally mean way) and tell me I was “acting white”, as if using proper grammar was a non-black trait. Today, I am myself.  I talk proudly with my southern accent (that I can’t even hear to be honest) and I don’t always sound like a walking APA format reference.  And in doing so, I realize people like and appreciate me just the way I am!

Three strategies that I believe would be more helpful in my communication are:

1.  More face-to-face communication.  We have all gotten so comfortable with emails and texts but sometimes, communication in person is necessary.  I can recall many times I have sent a text and the whole intent of my message was perceived wrong.  Had the same message been communicated in person, the individual on the receiving end may have taken the message differently.

2.  Being aware of who I am talking to at the moment.  If I am communicating with friends or family, I know that I can be a little more relaxed in my communication.  However, in a more professional setting, I need to really be mindful of who I am talking to, what I am saying, and how the message will come across.  The other day at work, a friend who of mine who is a classroom teacher brought a situation to me about one of the kids in her class.  She was uncomfortable talking to the parent about something the child had done and wanted me to sit in with her while she spoke to his mom over the phone, just to make sure she had a witness: apparently, there have been some issues with this child and she wanted to protect herself.  At that moment, the mom walked in and she pulled her aside and asked me to come into the office as well.  During the exchange, we both had to relay how serious the matter was while communicating  that we were there to help him and her as well.  We were also cognizant that she was pulled into a conference with someone she had never met or talked to before (me) so the conversation was very delicate.  Mom was shocked by her child's behavior but was comfortable with the way we handled the situation.

3.  Ask questions.  When communicating with others, I feel it's necessary to ask questions (what do you think, is that ok with you, how can we come up with a good solution to solve this) based on the conversation.  This will show them that their thoughts and opinions matter.

Communication Assumptions - FRIENDS

For this assignment, I chose to watch the first episode of FRIENDS (The One Where Monica Gets a Roommate).  While watching the show, I assumed that all of the characters were good friends.  Based on pure observations, I could tell when they were happy or sad, excited, annoyed, pensive.  For example, one of the characters, a chef, was talking to a colleague of hers and at the beginning of her conversation, she was happy.  As the conversation progressed, she seemed confused about something her colleague told her.  At the beginning of the show, I saw one of the characters in a wedding dress, on the phone and pacing.  I assumed she had been left at the altar.  

When I watched the show again with the volume on, I discovered that the character in the bridal gown was talking to her father, explaining to him why she left her fiancé.  It turns out she was not devastated because someone had deserted her on her wedding day.  The other character, the chef, was excited to tell her colleague about a romantic encounter but later found out some disheartening news about him, which angered her.  If I had been watching a show that I know well, I my assumptions probably would not have been more accurate.  Even when we think we may know a character or the direction that the show is going in, anything can change!

My “aha” moment this assignment came when I really thought about how we should never assume what people are thinking or feeling solely based on facial expression or body language.  Sure, most times those things are good indicators but don’t always tell the true story.  For example, I cross my arms often.  This is not out of annoyance or boredom of even as a defense, just out of habit.  However, because I know that this can be offensive to some, I do my best to keep my body language neutral.  I believe the best form of communication is to ask people how they feel instead of making assumptions. 

Crane, D., Kauffman, M. (1994). The one where Monica gets a roommate. 

Warner Bros. Television. FRIENDS. Courtesy Netflix.

Competent Communication - Michelle Obama

Someone who demonstrates competent communication is former First Lady Michelle Obama.  Any time I have ever heard her speak, she has displayed compassion for her topic of choice, she is articulate, and she gets her points across with class and dignity.  I definitely want to model some of my own communication behaviors after her because I feel as though no matter what she has to say, she says it effectively and her body language is always professional but personal.